12/12/09

Wala lang. I just hate the fact that I'm missing you again. And I'm no longer happy with this because first, I don't even know if you (still) feel the same way or worse, if you (actually) felt the same way. I just wanna get rid of this feeling because everytime it comes, I can't help but feel hurt kasi I don't have even a single clue woth regards to how you feel about me. Secondly, you're no longer calling nor texting, which for me is a sign that you're no longer interested because if you are, you would have been doing so, right? We may be keeping in touch online but for me that isn't enough, lalo na on your part because yun nga, it makes me think that you're no longer interested or your feelings are gone (if ever you REALLY had any). Well perhaps our distance made you realize that you never really loved me at all. Good for you, yet bad for me because I don't understand why I still keep on holding on when a lot of signs have been saying that I should let go. I haven't realized (or should I?!) that I'm not really into you or at least, no longer into you. Haaaay basta! I miss you and I hate you for that!!!

12/09/09

Nothing much. I've just missed him again. I miss talking to him, spending time with himlaughing with him, texting, chatting, pur never-ending kwentos, those stupid little fights, the jokes.. basta! Everything about him...about us! About what and how the two of us used to be. I know it's kinda impossible for that to happen again. It's not that I don't trust him but syempre hindi mo naman maaalis sakin to doubt yung sinasabi nya diba. Ewan ko ba, I know I'm used (already) to not having him around anymore. It's just that at times, I really can't avoid thinking about him and what the two of us have shared together. I don't know what to expect e. I don't know what's gonna happen next. All I know is I still have the feelings. I'm just used to the fact that we're afar from each other. Okay lang sakin if he loses his feelings for me, in case meron nga talaga, basta please Lord help me move on now, please?

12/05/09

There are times when I want to send him a message telling him how much I miss him and I am yearning for his presence but then I'd suddenly realize that I'm not that brave enough to do so.. Haha! I wanna talk to him. I miss everything about him. I hope he feels the same way... Otherwise, I'm dead!! :p

12/03/09

Read my writings (rants) a few months ago. Funny how it seems... I can't believe I've actually been through that. About him.. Hmmm.. So far so good. But I'm not settling on this. I won't stop myself from moving forward because we never know if he's gonna be consistent, considering that there are still a few months left before he comes back home.

10/17/09

He's been gone for 2 weeks now. Missed him all of a sudden. Glad he's consistently trying to communicate. Too bad, madalas wrong timing. But at least, he tries. :p Hey!!! I'm starting to get used to not having him around. Isan't that great? :p

The gift of goodbye

Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. Stop begging people to stay. LET THEM GO! If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to.. LET IT GO! If you are holding on to past hurts and pains.. LET IT GO! If someone can't treat you right, love you back and see your worth.. LET IT GO! If someone has angered you.. LET IT GO! if you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge.. LET IT GO! If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better.. LET IT GO! When people can walk away from you then LET THEM WALK. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. People leave you because they are not jointed to you. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something, I've got the gift of good bye. Living life isn't easy. There are these so called memories we're trapped in. We live through our memories. That's why we get happy and lonely. But for all it's reasons, memories will remain. I guess that's the problem with most of us. We are being trapped by our memories, our past. Well maybe, if we just let it go, there will be room for new ones. And the mistakes we made wouldn't be much to late to erase. The new day will bring hope and love that will strengthen us to finally be ready for now or even for tomorrow. New challenges will come and, perhaps, we can get pass them if we just put in mind and heart that we have to deal with it and that we can. I believe that we are all Superman. Though he has powers, he's still ordinary just like one of us. And if only we think like him, I know that we, too, can know what life is and how it goes, whether we're saving others or saving ourselves.

--- found this somewhere in fb and was moved. :D

Gonna miss you like hell

I can't help but miss everything about us. The way things between us used to be. The way you made me happy. The days that you made me feel lucky and so special. Your simple banats that makes me wanna think of another banat to make you pikon but then I still end up being the one who's pikon. Your never ending kwentos. Your text messages saying good morning every single day. Our asarans. In short, I miss, and I still will miss, everything you and I had and the moments we've shared. :)

I never thought we would be the way we are now. I've always thought hindi tayo magkakasundo. But I was wrong. You made me happy since the day we've become what we are right now. Yeah sure, there may be times that you've hurt me but put all of that together, that can never beat the times that you've made me feel happy, lucky, and special.

Now that you will be away, I am sure that I will miss you even more. I don't know what's gonna happen next, all I know is I'm happy that you're happy with where you are going and what you're gonna do, yet sad because as you come back, hindi ko alam what to expect. Yeah, 12 months may be short but you know, lots of things may actually happen. You told me na pagbalik mo ako pa rin, and as much as I wanna trust your words, I still can't (or shall I say shouldn't) because as I've said, we'll never know what's gonna happen next. Things may change. So as our feelings. Malay natin ngayong magkakalayo tayo at tsaka natin marealize that we don't really love each other as much as sa pagkakaakala natin. I can't promise that I will wait, that I can wait. The only thing I know is that I've learned to live life having you, and I don't know if I may learn to live life again, without you.

Ahh basta! Ang gusto ko lang, kung hindi talaga tayo, sana ako yung unang makalearn to move on and forget about the feeling. And maka-accept ng reality. Yun lang. Dun lang masaya na ko. I may show you that I am strong, that I am not that affected sa pag-alis mo, but you just don't know how sad I am, and scared as well dahil nandyan yung possibility na as you come back, you might have lost your feelings for me yet I haven't lost mine for you. I admit it, I am hoping that you still have the same feelings, or even more, as you come back. Even though I know for a fact that yun nga... Pwedeng mawala.

Above everything else, I just want to thank you for making me feel loved. For making me believe that you love me. For making me happy even for just a short span of time. For being with me. For going to my school after you finish your class. For your pagdalaw on my OJT (haha!) kahit puyat ka. For being patient. For trying hard to understand me. For making me laugh. For your lambings most especially when I am starting to be pikon. For biting me (haha!)! For making me feel so special. For spending time with me. For all the kilig moments that you've made me feel. For the things you've taught me, although unknowingly. And of course, for making me feel lucky. And ohh, how can I forget.. Thanks for catching me soon as I fall! :))

Hay nako basta! As what a friend have told me nga, umalis man yang boylet mo kami kahit ano mangyari nandito lang to try hard to make you happy. See, I am lucky!! :))

Well well well!

...

:)

My not-so-happy-birthday

Ohhh.. I just turned 19.

Today feels like...just another ordinary day. Sure, a lot of family and friends remembered my day but hey I really feel nothing special about this day. Parang.. "ahh okay birthday ko nga pala ngayon". Haha! Was just staying dito sa house the whole day. A few friends came to eat. Wala naman talagang party. We're (my family) not used to throwing parties on our birthdays kasi. But on Saturday I and a friend of mine will be having a birthday bash with our friends. You know inuman, gapangan! Haha :D I can't wait!!

Wala lang just felt like blogging.. Dami ko pang iniisip. Gusto ko ng kausap! But I've no one to talk to. Whew!