Monday, September 28, 2009

Gonna miss you like hell

I can't help but miss everything about us. The way things between us used to be. The way you made me happy. The days that you made me feel lucky and so special. Your simple banats that makes me wanna think of another banat to make you pikon but then I still end up being the one who's pikon. Your never ending kwentos. Your text messages saying good morning every single day. Our asarans. In short, I miss, and I still will miss, everything you and I had and the moments we've shared. :)

I never thought we would be the way we are now. I've always thought hindi tayo magkakasundo. But I was wrong. You made me happy since the day we've become what we are right now. Yeah sure, there may be times that you've hurt me but put all of that together, that can never beat the times that you've made me feel happy, lucky, and special.

Now that you will be away, I am sure that I will miss you even more. I don't know what's gonna happen next, all I know is I'm happy that you're happy with where you are going and what you're gonna do, yet sad because as you come back, hindi ko alam what to expect. Yeah, 12 months may be short but you know, lots of things may actually happen. You told me na pagbalik mo ako pa rin, and as much as I wanna trust your words, I still can't (or shall I say shouldn't) because as I've said, we'll never know what's gonna happen next. Things may change. So as our feelings. Malay natin ngayong magkakalayo tayo at tsaka natin marealize that we don't really love each other as much as sa pagkakaakala natin. I can't promise that I will wait, that I can wait. The only thing I know is that I've learned to live life having you, and I don't know if I may learn to live life again, without you.

Ahh basta! Ang gusto ko lang, kung hindi talaga tayo, sana ako yung unang makalearn to move on and forget about the feeling. And maka-accept ng reality. Yun lang. Dun lang masaya na ko. I may show you that I am strong, that I am not that affected sa pag-alis mo, but you just don't know how sad I am, and scared as well dahil nandyan yung possibility na as you come back, you might have lost your feelings for me yet I haven't lost mine for you. I admit it, I am hoping that you still have the same feelings, or even more, as you come back. Even though I know for a fact that yun nga... Pwedeng mawala.

Above everything else, I just want to thank you for making me feel loved. For making me believe that you love me. For making me happy even for just a short span of time. For being with me. For going to my school after you finish your class. For your pagdalaw on my OJT (haha!) kahit puyat ka. For being patient. For trying hard to understand me. For making me laugh. For your lambings most especially when I am starting to be pikon. For biting me (haha!)! For making me feel so special. For spending time with me. For all the kilig moments that you've made me feel. For the things you've taught me, although unknowingly. And of course, for making me feel lucky. And ohh, how can I forget.. Thanks for catching me soon as I fall! :))

Hay nako basta! As what a friend have told me nga, umalis man yang boylet mo kami kahit ano mangyari nandito lang to try hard to make you happy. See, I am lucky!! :))

Well well well!



Sunday, September 27, 2009

...

:)

Monday, September 21, 2009

My not-so-happy-birthday

Ohhh.. I just turned 19.

Today feels like...just another ordinary day. Sure, a lot of family and friends remembered my day but hey I really feel nothing special about this day. Parang.. "ahh okay birthday ko nga pala ngayon". Haha! Was just staying dito sa house the whole day. A few friends came to eat. Wala naman talagang party. We're (my family) not used to throwing parties on our birthdays kasi. But on Saturday I and a friend of mine will be having a birthday bash with our friends. You know inuman, gapangan! Haha :D I can't wait!!

Wala lang just felt like blogging.. Dami ko pang iniisip. Gusto ko ng kausap! But I've no one to talk to. Whew!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

When waking up is the best thing ever.

11:20AM, I opened my eyes, woke up, checked my phone like i always do, and for a while, had a moment of peace. I was about to stand up. I smiled.

I just knew and felt, right there and then that it's no longer him. I don't know how it happened, it just happened. I guess it's what they call letting it flow and letting time heal. I'm not saying that I'm fully healed by time. But hey, I'm back to the way I used to be. I'm that bubbly girl I was before he made me realize something. Anyway, I've always been that bubbly naman amidst the I've felt because of him. haha! I can smile even at the smallest things again. I can listen to any music without any thorn inside, without having a thought of him. I can dance and just dance so freely.

I'm fine and definitely, without a doubt, OKAY. I've moved on.

Perhaps this forwarded message would express everything I want to say:

"One of the best feelings in the world is realizing that you're perfectly happy without that person you thought you needed the most"