12/12/09

Wala lang. I just hate the fact that I'm missing you again. And I'm no longer happy with this because first, I don't even know if you (still) feel the same way or worse, if you (actually) felt the same way. I just wanna get rid of this feeling because everytime it comes, I can't help but feel hurt kasi I don't have even a single clue woth regards to how you feel about me. Secondly, you're no longer calling nor texting, which for me is a sign that you're no longer interested because if you are, you would have been doing so, right? We may be keeping in touch online but for me that isn't enough, lalo na on your part because yun nga, it makes me think that you're no longer interested or your feelings are gone (if ever you REALLY had any). Well perhaps our distance made you realize that you never really loved me at all. Good for you, yet bad for me because I don't understand why I still keep on holding on when a lot of signs have been saying that I should let go. I haven't realized (or should I?!) that I'm not really into you or at least, no longer into you. Haaaay basta! I miss you and I hate you for that!!!

12/09/09

Nothing much. I've just missed him again. I miss talking to him, spending time with himlaughing with him, texting, chatting, pur never-ending kwentos, those stupid little fights, the jokes.. basta! Everything about him...about us! About what and how the two of us used to be. I know it's kinda impossible for that to happen again. It's not that I don't trust him but syempre hindi mo naman maaalis sakin to doubt yung sinasabi nya diba. Ewan ko ba, I know I'm used (already) to not having him around anymore. It's just that at times, I really can't avoid thinking about him and what the two of us have shared together. I don't know what to expect e. I don't know what's gonna happen next. All I know is I still have the feelings. I'm just used to the fact that we're afar from each other. Okay lang sakin if he loses his feelings for me, in case meron nga talaga, basta please Lord help me move on now, please?

12/05/09

There are times when I want to send him a message telling him how much I miss him and I am yearning for his presence but then I'd suddenly realize that I'm not that brave enough to do so.. Haha! I wanna talk to him. I miss everything about him. I hope he feels the same way... Otherwise, I'm dead!! :p

12/03/09

Read my writings (rants) a few months ago. Funny how it seems... I can't believe I've actually been through that. About him.. Hmmm.. So far so good. But I'm not settling on this. I won't stop myself from moving forward because we never know if he's gonna be consistent, considering that there are still a few months left before he comes back home.

10/17/09

He's been gone for 2 weeks now. Missed him all of a sudden. Glad he's consistently trying to communicate. Too bad, madalas wrong timing. But at least, he tries. :p Hey!!! I'm starting to get used to not having him around. Isan't that great? :p

The gift of goodbye

Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. Stop begging people to stay. LET THEM GO! If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to.. LET IT GO! If you are holding on to past hurts and pains.. LET IT GO! If someone can't treat you right, love you back and see your worth.. LET IT GO! If someone has angered you.. LET IT GO! if you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge.. LET IT GO! If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better.. LET IT GO! When people can walk away from you then LET THEM WALK. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. People leave you because they are not jointed to you. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something, I've got the gift of good bye. Living life isn't easy. There are these so called memories we're trapped in. We live through our memories. That's why we get happy and lonely. But for all it's reasons, memories will remain. I guess that's the problem with most of us. We are being trapped by our memories, our past. Well maybe, if we just let it go, there will be room for new ones. And the mistakes we made wouldn't be much to late to erase. The new day will bring hope and love that will strengthen us to finally be ready for now or even for tomorrow. New challenges will come and, perhaps, we can get pass them if we just put in mind and heart that we have to deal with it and that we can. I believe that we are all Superman. Though he has powers, he's still ordinary just like one of us. And if only we think like him, I know that we, too, can know what life is and how it goes, whether we're saving others or saving ourselves.

--- found this somewhere in fb and was moved. :D

Gonna miss you like hell

I can't help but miss everything about us. The way things between us used to be. The way you made me happy. The days that you made me feel lucky and so special. Your simple banats that makes me wanna think of another banat to make you pikon but then I still end up being the one who's pikon. Your never ending kwentos. Your text messages saying good morning every single day. Our asarans. In short, I miss, and I still will miss, everything you and I had and the moments we've shared. :)

I never thought we would be the way we are now. I've always thought hindi tayo magkakasundo. But I was wrong. You made me happy since the day we've become what we are right now. Yeah sure, there may be times that you've hurt me but put all of that together, that can never beat the times that you've made me feel happy, lucky, and special.

Now that you will be away, I am sure that I will miss you even more. I don't know what's gonna happen next, all I know is I'm happy that you're happy with where you are going and what you're gonna do, yet sad because as you come back, hindi ko alam what to expect. Yeah, 12 months may be short but you know, lots of things may actually happen. You told me na pagbalik mo ako pa rin, and as much as I wanna trust your words, I still can't (or shall I say shouldn't) because as I've said, we'll never know what's gonna happen next. Things may change. So as our feelings. Malay natin ngayong magkakalayo tayo at tsaka natin marealize that we don't really love each other as much as sa pagkakaakala natin. I can't promise that I will wait, that I can wait. The only thing I know is that I've learned to live life having you, and I don't know if I may learn to live life again, without you.

Ahh basta! Ang gusto ko lang, kung hindi talaga tayo, sana ako yung unang makalearn to move on and forget about the feeling. And maka-accept ng reality. Yun lang. Dun lang masaya na ko. I may show you that I am strong, that I am not that affected sa pag-alis mo, but you just don't know how sad I am, and scared as well dahil nandyan yung possibility na as you come back, you might have lost your feelings for me yet I haven't lost mine for you. I admit it, I am hoping that you still have the same feelings, or even more, as you come back. Even though I know for a fact that yun nga... Pwedeng mawala.

Above everything else, I just want to thank you for making me feel loved. For making me believe that you love me. For making me happy even for just a short span of time. For being with me. For going to my school after you finish your class. For your pagdalaw on my OJT (haha!) kahit puyat ka. For being patient. For trying hard to understand me. For making me laugh. For your lambings most especially when I am starting to be pikon. For biting me (haha!)! For making me feel so special. For spending time with me. For all the kilig moments that you've made me feel. For the things you've taught me, although unknowingly. And of course, for making me feel lucky. And ohh, how can I forget.. Thanks for catching me soon as I fall! :))

Hay nako basta! As what a friend have told me nga, umalis man yang boylet mo kami kahit ano mangyari nandito lang to try hard to make you happy. See, I am lucky!! :))

Well well well!

...

:)

My not-so-happy-birthday

Ohhh.. I just turned 19.

Today feels like...just another ordinary day. Sure, a lot of family and friends remembered my day but hey I really feel nothing special about this day. Parang.. "ahh okay birthday ko nga pala ngayon". Haha! Was just staying dito sa house the whole day. A few friends came to eat. Wala naman talagang party. We're (my family) not used to throwing parties on our birthdays kasi. But on Saturday I and a friend of mine will be having a birthday bash with our friends. You know inuman, gapangan! Haha :D I can't wait!!

Wala lang just felt like blogging.. Dami ko pang iniisip. Gusto ko ng kausap! But I've no one to talk to. Whew!

When waking up is the best thing ever.

11:20AM, I opened my eyes, woke up, checked my phone like i always do, and for a while, had a moment of peace. I was about to stand up. I smiled.

I just knew and felt, right there and then that it's no longer him. I don't know how it happened, it just happened. I guess it's what they call letting it flow and letting time heal. I'm not saying that I'm fully healed by time. But hey, I'm back to the way I used to be. I'm that bubbly girl I was before he made me realize something. Anyway, I've always been that bubbly naman amidst the I've felt because of him. haha! I can smile even at the smallest things again. I can listen to any music without any thorn inside, without having a thought of him. I can dance and just dance so freely.

I'm fine and definitely, without a doubt, OKAY. I've moved on.

Perhaps this forwarded message would express everything I want to say:

"One of the best feelings in the world is realizing that you're perfectly happy without that person you thought you needed the most"

Ohhh.

Our hearts yearn backward. We long to be found, hoping our searchers have not given up and gone home. But I no longer hope to be found. Do not follow me! Let’s just be fabulously where we are and who we are, You be you and I’ll be me, today and today and today, and let’s trust the future to tomorrow. Let the stars keep track of us. Let us ride our own orbits and trust that they will meet. May our reunion be not a finding but a sweet collision of destinies!

Love, Stargirl

Ako mismo.

Ako mismo, naguguluhan sa sarili ko. Ewan, ewan ko din kung bakit o paano. Basta magulo ako. Hindi ko maintindihan kung ano gusto ko mangyari. One minute, I know I'm strong enough to take the risk, the next minute, I know that I can't. Kaya there is no doubt that I find it hard to move forward with my life e. It's because I can't let things go, I can't accept what's in store for me. Hindi naman sa I can't accept, I just find it hard to do so.

They say moving on starts in accepting the sad realities about life and living with those realities that you know you can't change. Ganun talaga ang buhay e. There are good chances that what we really want to have in our lives are right, but there are better chances that they're wrong. Ay magulo ba? Basta yun na yun. Haha! Hindi lahat ng gusto natin makukuha natin, that's the essence of life.

We have to be strong. Believe me, we really have to. Tayo lang din naman kasi ang makakatulong sa sarili natin. No one else can. It's up to us kung gusto nating magdusa or go on and accept the reality.

Ganito lang yan, mind over matter. Kaya natin yan, kakayanin! Pilitin nating kayanin :) At the end of the day, tayo din naman ang magbebenefit nyan. I know there will come a time wherein pagtatawanan na lang natin yung mga pinapagdaanan natin ngayon and we'd say... "Whoa! I can't believe I went through that!" :)

Sometimes love comes around...

...and it knocks you down :))

Time will come...

...that I'd get tired of being stupid. :)

Is this goodbye?

Of all goodbyes, the hardest is the one which your ears never heard but your heart knows it is already being said.

Tears fall as I create this entry. Hindi ko alam. Sobrang hirap na ko with what I'm going through pero pinipilit ko na lang solohin ang nararamdaman ko. Ayoko makipagusap kahit kanino. Ayokong makita ng kahit na sino kung ano ang nararamdaman at nararanasan ko right at this moment. Kaso, tao lang din ako. Kailangan kong ilabas kung anong nararamdaman ko. Hirap na hirap na ko. Since this blog is my outlet, dito ko na lang ilalabas lahat. Keber sa mga makakabasa. Wala kahit isang tao that I personally know, knows that this blog exists. Pinili ko tong gawin para everytime I have something to rant and rave, dito ko na lang ilalabas.

Hay... I don't know kung paano ko sisimulan to. All I know is gusto ko mailabas yung nagpapabigat sa damdamin ko ngayon. It all started 2 years ago. There is this friend na nakilala ko somewhere. Naging close kami because at that time, pareho kami ng pinapagdaanan. Then one day, she introduced me to her high school friend, through friendster. This high school friend, let's just call him James, sa simula pa lang ng pagkakakilala namin wala nang ilangan. Asaran na kami kung asaran. Ewan, I wasn't that interested sa kanya during that time and I guess he wasn't interested at me as well. As time went by, I had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend. Pero tuloy pa din ang kwentuhan at asaran. As friends syempre. Yung relationship namin ng boyfriend ko that time wasn't good so we had to end it. Si "James" naman and his girlfriend medyo nagtagal ang relationship. Then come the first month of 2009, nagbreak sila. Tapos... Come the last week of March, nagsimula yan sa facebook e. I saw him through our common friend so I added him up. Upon accepting my request, he posted on my wall. Syempre nang-aasar and stuff like that. Hindi ko alam paano naging ganun pero by the time that he posted on my wall, pareho kaming online. Tapos when he went offline nagtext sya agad sakin. Hanggang constant na yung texting namin as in day by day, from the moment we wake up 'til the time we sleep magkatext kami. Nagtataka ako kasi ang tyaga nya din, kahit HAHA na lang ang reply ko, he still manages to open a new topic. Then come the second week of April. He had summer classes and I had mine as well. I don't know how it all started, ang alam ko biglaan lang yan e, one day magkatext kami as usual then nagbibiruan kami. Sabi niya "libre mo ko!" sabi ko "o sige tara dito sa *toot!* (my school). I thought he was just kidding, nagulat na lang ako na pupunta pala sya talaga.

On our first meeting, there was no intimidation that took place. Kung paano kami mag-gaguhan sa text, ganun na ganun din kami. Then ayun, nasundan ng nasundan hanggang sa we meet twice to thrice a week pinupuntahan nya ko sa school ko. There are times na pag magkatext kami niloloko ko sya, sinasabi ko "Wag ganun baka ma-fall ako nyan at hindi mo naman ako masalo". He said "E ano naman kung mafall ka, normal lang naman yun. Kahit ano mangyari nandito lang ako hindi kita iiwan. Whether you like it or not." Tangina, sinong hindi mafofall dyan diba? Then one day, he admitted that he's already falling. I was falling as well, hindi ko lang inamin because I wasn't sure yet. Everytime na magkasama kami, may mga gestures sya na alam mong hindi ginagawa ng isang kaibigan sa isang kaibigan. Gets mo? Hehe! Syempre, being the not-so-Maria-Clara that I am, hinahayaan ko lang syang gawin yun, kinikilig ako e, bakit ba!


Dumating sa point na sinabi ko sa kanya na natatakot na ako kasi I'm on the verge of falling na siguro kailangan kong iwasan muna yun. He misunderstood what I said. Nasaktan daw sya ganyan ganyan. Basta ayun, then after nyan nagkaaminan na na mahal namin ang isa't isa. But then, we've never talked about "us" being "together". Yon ang mali. Pero kasi, he never really asked me about that. So ayun, okay naman. There are times na pinipilit nya ko pumunta sa kanila papakilala nya daw ako sa family nya. His parents are living abroad, he said na pag uwi nila he will introduce me. Then last week he told me na nag e-mail sya sa parents nya and kinekwento nya daw ako. Sinabi daw nya na "Mama paguwi nyo dito papakilala ko sa inyo si (my name)". He told me that he even sent them my picture. I just don't know kung totoo yun or nambobola sya. Then his parents called him daw, nangangamusta sa kanya then asked about me. Syempre I was kilig, but then I was wondering kung totoo yun. So there, okay naman ang relationship (or whatever you call it) namin.

Until last Tuesday (today is Saturday), I noticed na parang ang dami nang nagbabago. Basta madami na. Hindi na nangyayari yung mga nakasanayan ko. Iba na sya. Ibang-iba na. Then come Wednesday, hindi sya nagtext the whole day. Alam kong may load sya. I thought busy lang sya kasi his band has a recording that day. Then I sent him a message around 11PM before I slept, but still, I got no message from him. Kinabukasan, I found out that he was online around 11PM. My God. Pero wala eh, wala akong karapatang magalit because our relationship has no commitment. Hindi sya sakin. That's the saddest thing. On that day din pala he sent me a text message around 5PM. Ako pa ang sinabihan nyang hindi nagtetext. Text daw sya ng text sakin but then I didn't send him even a single message so he thought daw that I have no load. I asked him kung ano ang tinext nya, sabi nya madami daw. Damn, ano yun he sent me so many messages yet I didn't receive any? Ano yun, text lang nya ang hindi ko narereceive? Weird diba? Theh he said kung ayaw mong maniwala eh di wag. But then pinalampas ko na lang yun kasi as I've said, I have no right to demand or even get mad when he's not making paramdam because in the first place, we're not officially together. It hurts diba?


Then come yesterday, my friend texted him around 2PM using a different number, nagrereply naman sya. Then nagtext sya sakin around 5PM din. I asked him kung kakagising lang nya and he said yes. My God, huling huli ang kasinungalingan. But I had to stop myself from getting mad kasi mabubuking that my friend and I were the ones texting him. Okay naman ang conversation namin until around 9PM hindi na sya nagreply. Hindi na sya nagtext. Then he texted at around 5AM kanina saying sorry that he wasn't able to text kasi his phone had no battery. Nasa gig kasi sila ng band nya kagabi. Hindi ko nireplyan. Feeling ko nagsisinungaling eh. Pero until now, as of 6:30PM I haven't received any message from him. I texted him earlier around 5PM pero hindi sya nagreply. I know he's awake dahil a while ago he posted something in my wall.


Haaaay. Bottom line is, I am stupid. I held on, and still holding on, to a relationship that I know would hurt me in the end. I don't know what's with him, he says he loves me but why is he not asking me if, you know, kung pwedeng magkaron kami ng commitment. Perhaps he's just not that into me? Haaaaay. Ako na naman ang talo. He's slowly saying goodbye. Okay lang naman sana sakin kung iwan ako e, basta magsabi sana sya hindi yung ngayon nalulungkot ako without knowing kung ano gusto nya at balak nya mangyari. Haaaay. Hindi ko alam how to go through the day ng wala na sya. Katulad ngayon. Di ko talaga alam. Masyado akong na-attach sa kanya. My fault, I know. I should've listened to what my friend adviced me before. Pero wala e, ang sakin naman kasi as long as it makes me happy go lang kahit alam kong in the end, I might get hurt. At ayan nga, the end has just come.


Kahit anong iyak ang gawin ko, talagang the pain doesn't go away e. Hindi ko na alam ano gagawin ko. I thought he was different. But then, napatunayan kong he's just another guy whose intentions is to hurt some girls!


Ewan ko na... Hanggang ngayon eto pa din ako umaasa. SANA MAGTEXT NA SIYA. :((

Way, waaaay harder!

I don't know why we all hang onto something we know we're better off letting go. It's like we're scared to lose what we don't even really have. Some of us say we'd rather have that something than nothing at all, but the truth is... to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all.

So Damn Hard

I never thought I'd be this attached to him... and he's leaving me and I can't help but cry and just let him go. POOR ME. :((

Working Student

So there... It's been 5 days since OJT started. Summer class has just started as well. You know I've realized and I now know the feeling of being a working student. Most especially on my part, I only have an hour to travel from the office to the school. Have I mentioned that the office is in East Ave. while school is in the middle of Manila? Can you imagine the traffic along Quezon Ave and Espana? Nakakaloka, di ba? Buti na lang my professor is considerate and understanding that he allowed me to go to class even if I'm not wearing the school uniform. Anyway.. I am enjoying my OJT except for the fact that I have to wake up at around 5AM everyday of my life just to be at the office on time. I wanna make kwento!!! Hahaha make kwento!

Come Monday, the first day of OJT. We were there before 9AM, the call time for the orientation. But screw that Filipino time, the orientation started at around 11AM. We were briefed about our office assignments and asked about our schedules. Too bad, tatlo kaming friends pero I was designated to a different department while the two others were on the same. Pero okay lang, kasi magkatabi lang. Then we went back to school afterwards to attend the first day of class. Damn it, para kaming sardinas sa dami. We were praying na sana the section will be divided into two kasi sobrang init at sikip kung ganun kami kadami. Then in the afternoon, I went shopping for the clothes that I'd be wearing for OJT. Yiheeee. Going to the office makes me feel excited.

Then come Tuesday, our real first day of work. I went to the office all by myself. I was very nervous I really wasn't sure of what I was doing. Hate na hate ko talaga yung nagcocommute ng hindi ko sure kung tama ginagawa ko. Pero I needed to learn how to go to the office alone kasi wala naman talaga kong makakasama. Thank God I made it. Then at the office, I first knew Ms. Cherry then she introduced me to the others. Glad they were all good, including the lawyers! The lawyers told me that they will, if time permits, bring me to their hearing! Yehey, can't wait to see a real life court drama! Hahaha.

Come Wednesday.. I still have nothing to do in the office. Para akong pumapasok sa office para tumunganga. As in. Pero I love going to the office kasi the friends and I ay walang ginawa kung di tumawa ng tumawa. This thing makes the stress go away. Hahaha!

Come Thursday, ayan may ginawa na ko! I was asked to type a memorandum made by one of the lawyers. Forgot his name! Hahaha boss ko hindi ko maalala pangalan :))

And finally, come Friday. TGIF!! The lawyers weren't in the office, they attended a seminar. So we were free. I;ve nothing to do so I asked Ms.Che if I could go to North to visit my friends (BTW, I am assigned in Central Cluster Legal Unit). Friends and I kept on laughing the whole day!!

I really love our tandem. You now, it's so nice having these friends that even if you are very very tired and you are walking under the scorching heat of the sun just to arrive to school on time, eh you can still manage to laugh even at the simplest things. Hahaha. Yehey!!!

I love going to the office. But not the fact that I have to wake up early in every day of my life. Hahaha!

Maundy Thursday

Being a Legal Management Student is no easy. There goes the recitations every meeting, the TAMBAK na readings, the accounting ek ek. Yung tipong feeling mo you're already in law school. Especially on my part, I am a shifter yet I want to graduate on time. Yes I can, kung gugustuhin ko lang. I'm an incoming senior student. I will be having my on-the-job-training 4 days from now. But I am still thinking if I shall do that on a part time and enroll at least one summer class para mabawasan ang load ko next semester. Pero I'm having second thoughts kasi a subject costs around 6-7 thousand I guess. Nakakahinayang, kasi almost 40% niyan ay miscellaneous fee. Pero hindi lang yan, kasi if I'm going to take a subject this summer, my OJT will last longer. Baka 1st sem na OJT pa din ako. Isa pa, if ever magsummer class ako, I will just be taking a Theology subject. Hahahaha. I've been weighing the pros and cons of enrolling a subject this summer and I even asked my friends' opinions. Masyado ko dinidibdib ang desisyon. Hahaha.

Anyway anyway. Today is Maundy Thursday. We didn't go home to Pampanga and I love it! Haha. I hate staying there kasi wala naman akong kausap. My cousins' ages are far far from mine. They're too old for me. Hahaha. I can't help but be excited for Monday because OJT starts. But I hate the thought that I have to wake up eaaarrrllllyyyy. Can't imagine myself. The only thing that I can imagine is that... I will always be running late for sure. Hahaha. But I guess I'd be motivated because I am looking forward for the allowance!!! HAHAHA.

Randomly random

It's been a while since I've last updated this site. The past week had been really borrriiiinnnggg. I did nothing but surf the net, watch and text. Thank God nauso ang unlimited DSL, unlimited text and cable. Shiiiiitttt. I would hae died due to boredom if not because of these inventions. Hahaha. There's this song that has been stuck in my head for like 3 days now. Friend of mine. Saktong-sakto men. I was browsing through the channels on my television one night when I happen to come across Cinema One. They were airing Close To You, a movie that was starred by my beloved John Lloyd, and Bea. The story fits me, my situation, except that in that film, it was the guy who fell in love with his best friend. Nakarelate ako, gosh! The ending of the film, as usual, was happy. Filipino film e. Hahaha. Dun ko narinig yung Friend of Mine, kaya download naman ako. Na-appreciate ko e. Bakit ba! Haha.

A while ago, I was supposed to meet my high school friends to eat out pero nagkatamaran. Re-sched!! Tomorrow is the day. How I wish hindi na magkatamaran. I've been wanting to eat pizza na talaga!

ABSOLUT-ly drunk

Last Monday midnight was a blast, except for the fact that I was... drunk. So many things have happened, at syempre hindi maiiwasang may magkakaiyakan. :)) The tagayan went good, but on the latter part, the group decided to play 1 2 3 PASS [poor me because that was the first time I played that game] and the one who loses the game will drink. Absolut men, 40% alcohol, who wouldn't get drunk? Not to mention that I lost 3 consecutive times. O diba! Being the mabilis-malasing that I am, I was very makulit and maingay syempre. We took lots of pictures!

That was a night worth remembering! But of course, let's except the fact that I was drunk and I bought that fuckin' expensive Absolut. Hahaha!

My Sweetest WHATEVER.

You're not really mine, so I can't call you my ANGEL...

We're not really together, so I can't call you BABY...

I don't know how to put it all together, but you're my sweetest WHATEVER. <3

Absolut

So, how do I start this entry? I just felt the urge of blogging but I actually do not know what shall I blog about. Crazy me. Yesterday, my dad and I went to Pampanga because my Tita invited us for dinner for her post-birthday celebration. I was also able to be with my cousin, who was abroad and went back home just a couple of months ago, for good. Guess what! She bought me a PINK [My gosh, very kikay! I shall start acting like the same! Haha] digital camera! :D Thanks to my cousin, my camera phone and jologs-and-slow-samsung-digicam is now retiring!

helllo SONY! :) the things I can't live without!

Hahaha. Tomorrow, high school friends and I will be having a house party which I set. The new camera will now officially be used. Drinking session tomorrow yehey! Being the laging-excited-sa-inuman that I am, I have been planning on what alcohol shall we take and what cocktails shall we make. I'm thinking of Absolut Vodka! Yipeeeee!

photo grabbed from http://superlative1.files.wordpress.com/

That is the favorite drink of the college friends! Hahaha! Also, I gotta use my ohh-so-new camera so I could capture every moment tomorrow! Yahoo!! I just hope everybody comes. Tomorrow for sure would be a BLAST!

Insomnia

"The scary thing about having an insomnia is not the hours lost for sleeping, but the rerun of thoughts you've been trying to run away from."

Very true noh?! I always find it hard to sleep every night. I don't know what is it in my system that makes sleeping a very hard thing to do. It's like... Mathematics, very very hard! Hahahahaha! But I doubt that I have an insomnia, why? Because I find it hard to wake up in the morning as well! LOL. Baka nocturnal lang ako, hayop ako e. Haha! Anyways, back to the quote written above... Diba it's true naman. Kapag nahihirapan kang matulog lahat ng bagay na hinaharap mo naiisip mo.. Most especially the things that bother you most... The things that you've been longing to have or experience, or keep away from. Kaya ako, I believe that sleeping is an escape from reality. Kasi it is only through sleeping that we forget the things that bother us. Kaya lang minsan, sa sobrang kakaisip sa mga bagay na to, hanggang sa panaginip they're haunting us. Tsk tsk tsk!

Anyway... Earth Hour tomorrow!!! Let's help saving the earth by sacrificng the lights in our place for an hour. :D It's time for us to return the sacrifices our planet has done for us! Go go go let's turn our lights off tomorrow night! :D

Batch 2006 eh?

Yes, today is another bumming day eh. I was supposed to go swimming with my college friends but we've decided to move it to another day so that the group would be complete. I was also supposed to go with my high school friends to a bar tonight to have a gimik but that's too far and I'm too lazy to go as well. Besides, I am organizing a house party for us next week. Dun na lang kami pumarty diba? But one of them is nagiinarte and saying that he can no longer make it next week because the dad is arriving. Anyway, the show must go on! In fact, the party is set on Monday and we will be having it overnight. Hahaha!

Earlier, a high school friend and I went to our high school to go get our yearbook. My gosh, I ain't pleased with how the yearbook was done. It was done in black and white! Who would love that? It's like we're the only ones in that batch in the whole wide world to have that kind of yearbook. So primitive! Hahahaha! I saw my former English Teacher (who by now is the principal) and we've had kwentuhans and stuff. She told us that there will be a grand alumni homecoming next year and we should go. Yehey! I missed my alma mater... and everything about high school. You know, my high school days were the best-est days in my life. I think the words sarap buhay best describes my life during high school. Anyway enough about that dramarama.

Two nights ago, high school friends had a gimik and surprisingly, I didn't go. Yes, a miracle indeed. Hahahaha. Their invitation was very late and my parents would have scolded me if I went out 10PM that night. Mr.Y-K-W kept on texting me, and asking why I didn't go. He said he was expecting me. He even said he would fetch me but I still refused. I was too lazy to go. Besides, the bar that they were in is too cheap and boring for me. Hahahaha I am bad, I know, right. =D He was almost mad, or I guess nagtatampo because he wants me to go. After a while, he sent me a text message and I quote:

"T*** il0vey0u. ."

T*** is our endearment as best friends. Yes, he is my best boy bud. The best boy bud that I fell in love to. Sad noh? Tapos he has someone whom he loves kaya you can call me malas and tanga. :)) Anyway, he sent that text message while they were on a drinking session so I thought he was just too drunk that he didn't know what he was doing. I asked him if he was drunk and told him to go home. But he said he isn't drunk and they were just drinking beer. Yuck noh? Haha. Kaya eto, I am still wondering kung ano ibig sabihin ng message niya...

Bummer, yes I am.

My God. This is what I hate most during school vacations. This is gonna kill me soon! It's just been two days... and more to come, and here I am, finding myself doing unproductive things since the moment I get up from bed 'til I feel like sleeping. My gosh! I've been doing nothing but sleep, text, net surf, eat and watch. I'm such a useless and these things are bringing me nowhere but 6 feet under! You know I really hate staying in the house all day long. Doing such kills me, like, right now?

Anyway, three weeks from now, I'll be having my on-the-job-training and this makes me excited. I don't know what to expect, it just makes me excited. Ever since I went to college, I've been wanting to know the feeling of belonging in the working class. Yeah, I've been looking forward to working and having to earn my own money. And shopping!!! LOL.

Last Friday was a blast. My friends and I have finally put an end to the issues that have been, shall I say going, among the group. I've heard what I've been longing to hear from them, I've finally told them what I am feeling towards the group, and we've shared our own points of view regarding the issues that were raised. That forum made me feel good at last. My perceptions about having an open forum were changed. At first, I thought that that would just worsen the issue, that somebody might get pikon, and some stuff. I was wrong. I never thought they're that open-minded and that they will do everything to stop the misunderstandings among the group.

Darn, tomorrow's another day. Another bumming day! I was texting my high school friends a while ago, asking them if we could go out tonight but too bad, they were busy. Some said they have no money, some said they still have school. WTF. What shall I do?

on moving on

When we truly love someone, we give our best and let that person see the pureness of our intention. But sometimes that person makes us cry and hurts us for the wrong reason. That someone must have loved us but he has not loved us enough to make him stand on what he truly felt.

Now, we are faced with the seemingly impossible task of forgetting. We have burdened ourselves long enough but we still can’t get out of this emotional crisis. Let us remember that the more we try to forget someone we love, the more painful letting go will become. Sometimes we never had to take that person out of our hearts at all, for he will always be there no matter how hard we drive him away. It isn’t his presence that makes this difficult. It is our stubbornness to accept our destiny that aligns forgetting next to impossible. We keep a cold face but deep in our hearts, there is still that lingering hope for reconciliation. Somehow, we still believe that we can rekindle small embers and relight the fire that once burned in our hearts. These thoughts give us hope but it also breeds the seeds of loneliness and despair. The only way to forget is to accept and the only way to move on is to look ahead and let the foot prints of the past be blown by the wind of time.

ironic, isn't it?

I don't know why we all hang onto something we know we're better off letting go. It's like we're scared to lose what we don't even really have. Some of us say we'd rather have that something than nothing at all, but the truth is... to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all.

entrada primera

So there.. Since the end of the semester is fast approaching (oh wait, did I mention that I'm uber excited?), I've decided to create a new blog.. To which I can post anything and everything that comes across my mind, unreservedly. I've got nothing to do on my oh-so-short vacation, that's why. The final exams are set in this coming week, and here I am, surfing over the internet, instead of studying! haha! Talk about procrastination. I just wish the best that I've done is good enough for me to pass every subject that I took. haha!

I so hate this day. Our house's water tank got out of order, and as of 7PM, I still haven't taken a bath yet. Darn! Also, I was supposed to have a biglaang night out with my best friend and Mr.You-Know-Who but it was cancelled due to some reasons. The best friend is about to go home to Bulacan but when she arrived, she found out that their family is going somewhere. So I chose to not go with Mr.You-Know-Who alone. For what pa diba? It'd feel awkward for sure. Besides, I don't think I'm ready to meet and talk to him na. Although I myself know that I have already accepted the fact that he loves her and he cannot love me... I just don't know if I've already moved on. I cannot understand the feeling. Anyhow, the good thing is, I won't be spending money again. I've been very thrifty these past few days because I am saving for my college barkada's Batangas Escapade, I just don't know if it will still push through. How I wish!

Mom's voice is pissing me off. It's so loud! Plus the loud TV beside me! Is she deaf??

Enough! Enough!